The only other time I can remember being so thoroughly exhausted as this was UPS finals/ graduation.
For me, it's not necessarily all of the things that I am doing that make me tired. It's the thought of everything that needs to get done. I'm a notorious list maker. Through college I had a cafe board on which I made lists of everything that needed to be done. Everyone always talks about wonderful it feels to cross something off the list; I get almost as much relief our of making them.
But, sometimes the lists don't help. Since we got fired I've been having trouble sleeping. It takes me an hour or two for my brain to stop cataloging all that needs to be done (packing, cleaning, Visa applications, itinerary finalizing, etc) and fall asleep. Then if I wake up at any point, it starts all over again. Last night I nearly hopped out of bed because I randomly remembered that I wanted to find a vegan whipped cream recipe for Mom. Stress does ridiculous things to me.
It's not as if I was sleeping well before we got fired; our bed is rock hard and the mattress is starting to break down where I normally sleep because it has no give at all. I went to bed at 11:30 last night and got up at 8:40. I was doing a little reading during one of my breaks and I actually dozed off for a minute or two. I should be functioning better on 9 hours of sleep.
Aside from physical energy, I don't have much either. I'm so disconnected from this job. The lesson plans I made today are lazy and while I feel bad for the students (the ones who aren't urchins), I honestly don't think they care. I'm officially a warm body to fill a (legally sanctioned) position until they find a replacement.
Julia tried to greet me in the hall and I mostly ignored her. I tried to smile a little to be polite, as I don't want any complications regarding our last paychecks. But, I think I only managed to twist my face into a grimace. Later, Montana popped his head into my classroom to tell me there was pizza for the staff. I said okay and sat back down at my desk, not intending to do any interacting that wasn't obligatory. Then Terry (Julia's son) came in with the pizza box and a cup of Coke. I told him I didn't want any. I wanted to tell him where he could put the pizza and coke, but I didn't. He seemed very surprised and left.
We have been told that our presence is required at a meeting tomorrow at noon. I don't know what it will be about, but Ian and I have several things we need to clear up (taxes, date of our last payment), so we will take full advantage. I'm not sure if Julia will be there. Either way, we're going to discuss the effectiveness of such meetings. We don't want to attend any more. After all, our letter cites seeing no solution to our faults as a reason for letting us go, so why bother?